Velcome to the Mire of the 21st Century
532 years have passed since my ignoble murder. I now find myself resurrected, nay, reanimated in this cursed virtual world flooded with useless information, poised to infect humanity with incurable stupidity, and colossal ineptitude. I awaken to find a brave new world where several billion people vie to be the Emperor of Idiots in this global village.
In the time of my life, every soul within my reach, whether it be Saxon merchants, Wallachian peasants or Ottoman soldiers, got the point, or they um…got the point. Yet with all of your impressive technologies, no doubt dreamed up by visionary men far ahead of their time, I myself stare in horror as I see perfectly functioning cognitive processes completely arrested in most of the industrialized world.
I have been jarred awake from my peaceful sleep by a critical mass of stupidity, and I must say that I regard your world with nothing but utter contempt. And though I may no longer have the forests of the Fagaras Mountains at my disposal, I am working night and day to shape the wood into brutally sharpened points. Soon I shall be poised to rain down terror on the masses once again, my stakes ready to skewer your politics, religion, views on sexuality and life itself. And once again, I shall ask no quarter, nor shall I give any. Be warned. Be afraid. For I am come from the dead.
Vlad's Principality 